This incredible energy to let something out and in the open swept over me. Then i realized once again the power of words and music. I only have the words to let them out..the music comes from elsewhere to soothe the tired mind and remind me that others too felt it and let it out somehwere..
Me today is in a different place. Dissapointed at my own laziness to fight and do something. To believe in something and stand up for it. these people, with a cause, with a dream, reaching, running, doing..they just impressed me and i left it at that. I looked at them and wondered what is was like to be one of them. I looked at me, a shallow and lazy being in comparison. Ok, that is a dissapointing and negative staement to be making but i demand more of me.
The truth is, i was demanding more of life! Has it not given me enough? It has so far been giving me plenty..exciting travels, crazy but loving people and eye-opening events. It has given me happy moments and over-riding emotions carrying me from one place to the next. Often my mind has the tendencay to re-visit these places and goes back and forth and here's where the pace of just moving forward and carrying all that i have with an immense force into the future becomes difficult. So, i jump. I jump and throw it all in different places. Everything will fall in place sooner or later and new things will just throw themesleves at me, the sky will let go and rain and shower me when i need it to. That much, i know.
Right now...i am forcing a smile to remind me that i should be enjoying riding. And i am. It was strange..i was demanding what i did not want at all. This conflicting desire for love and security when i want to run free. I want to fly to new destinations and find myself in the world free of baggae and fullfilling dreams. Talking to people of places on sea side cafes. Learning spanish and dancing tango. Riding my bike to and from work. Learning and exploring writing on a river bank. Working in a bookstore. Not being scared. Being in new lives in new places, letting go of old lives and old people with a smile and a promise that they are in my heart regardless of where i am for them. It was difficult for me...
To grow up, i need to to Let go of old childish ideas and perceptions. I need to show those i truely care about that i do appreciate their presence in my life, all the time. They are family.
Some things you never ever thought will happen. Will happen. they will hurt you. Some things you never ever thought will happen. Will happen. They will make you fly with joy and happiness. Many more things, you have to go for..when u see them happening, you will smile and say, they are my happening :)
What do i miss? Being on a train in Europe :) :) What do i miss: laughing from my heart. The kind of laughter that really brings tears to my eyes.
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